where my heart is.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Lately, I've been asked what I want to do after higschool. It's often phrased different ways, sometimes posed as a question in regards to photography, and asked to just hear about my plans. And I've been taking a deep breath and giving the same answer. Sometimes, it freaks me out, because, even though it's where my heart is at (and has always been it), it's really against the cultural norm. And while I'm blessed to have family and friends who uphold the same values and have the same views and beliefs as I do, I respect and appreciate the opinions of some dear people and would hate to have anyone "not" proud of me. That sounds really terrible, and obviously, I wouldn't sacrifice my calling for someone's opinion, but when you're very passionate about something and someone you love sees it as foolish, it's a difficult thing. Thankfully, I haven't dealt with that personally, but I do know that as my senior year looms closer and closer, it could definitely be something I could potentially go through.

But anyways, to cut a rambling paragraph short, I just want to be a wife and a mom someday.

That sounds really anticlimactic, but it's the most exciting and wonderful and difficult and beautiful and powerful and hard and painful and sweet and BEST ever. I literally cannot wait (okay, literally, I can, but y'know...) for that someday. Ever since I was a little girl (and I do mean little. we're talking three or four here), I've dreamed of getting married and having kiddos. And it's still my dream and hope and prayer. While I would love to continue to do photography (and hope to be doing it professionally for many more years!) my family would always come first. I'm blessed and glad to be in a position where I can pursue a career outside of being a wife&mom that I can do on the side while being a wife&mom.

I'd really like to get married young and have a family young, and I'm excited to see what God does in my life (and heart) in the next few years. Currently, I am not planning on going to college, but I am open to it if that's where I'm supposed to go. That's not where my heart is and it's never been something that I've been excited about. Let me get this straight -- I think college is a GREAT thing, but I don't believe it's for everybody (that would be crazy to assume that). And at the moment, it's not the direction I want to go, but I don't want to assume that I won't ever pursue that, so I'm still preparing and working in a way that if I ever wanted to go to college or take college classes, I would be able to. But right now, it's not anything that I want to do. Ever. Ha ha. :)

SO! I'm just taking everyday one day at a time and preparing for whatever in my future. But being a wife and a momma is where my heart is and where it has always been and where it will always be. And I can't wait for those days when my dreams become reality. (ooh. cheesy cheesy cheese for the winner, folks. but absolutely true. :)).  I'm watching my siblings and off to clean the kitchen, so I'll end with a quote from Candice Watters that I really love.

“The nature of parenting is sacrifice. You can’t retrofit kids into your present life. If you want to be faithful, you have to fit your life around what God call you to as a mom or dad. That requires dying to yourself daily. It’s painfully hard, but it’s actually easier than trying to work in vain pursuing the illusion of having it all. You are dearly loved. ….imitate the one who loved you by laying down His life and trust in His promise that “whoever loses his life for Me will find it.” (matthew 16:25)”


  1. I really struggle with comparing myself to others and having the right mindset about my studies. Oftentimes I don't have the right mindset and get stressed out. However, I don't think God is calling me to go to college either, and I've thought that I wouldn't match up to society if I didn't. When really I don't have to go to college, some people are called to go the college and some aren't. God will lead me where He wants me to go. I know He will.

    I too desire to be a wife and mother someday. I can't tell you how much that quote encouraged me and how this whole post was just what I needed to read today.


    I hope you don't mind me leaving a long comment like this. :)

  2. you are so beautiful hannah, inside and out. I just love this. I get everything you're saying, and it's so hard, but I am so proud of you. I love love love you girly.

  3. aw, Hannah...I was so pleased to find this lovely little blog of yours. I'm in love with it.
    I've been "stalking you" (haha, yeah, I hate it when people say that) for a long time, but am pretty bad about telling people how much I love them. but now I'll say, you've made me laugh like crazy, cry because of your honest, true-life and beautiful spirit and slowly fall more in love with your photography. (please don't feel like I think you're some super star human in a bad way, though!)
    this post spoke to me especially, because I recently wrote some of those exact same words. plain and simple, ever since I was a little girl wanted to be a wife and mom when I grew up. and I still do.
    thank you for sharing, and I hope that you keep that dream close to your heart as long as you live!

  4. I know exactly what you mean, Hannah!
    I know that there will be some people who are going to be disappointed that I'm choosing not to go to college, but ultimately it doesn't matter what people think. :) So proud of you and can wait to see what God has in store for you! love you <3

  5. I'm reading all your older posts, they're all fantastic. God always gives you the words that pierce my soul and linger on my heart so well.

    I'm in the same place as you right now. I'm a sophomore in highschool, so I've got a couple years until I have to give a final decision on college. But I'm leaning towards not going. I've written out every reason for and against it (for me personally) that I can think of, and maybe it's just me being ignorant to things God will show me later, but I don't believe college is right for me. I fully agree that college isn't for everyone, and I hate the fact that our culture blindly sees wrong in not pursuing academics at a higher level. Like academic success or status is what gives you worth. I hate the fact that saying something like "I don't think college is right for me" is seen as shameful, even wrong. I fully believe God calls us all to different things. I think college is a great and wonderful thing, and helps many people out in so many ways. My brother is in college. But I just don't feel it's right for me, for what I want to do. The very most desire of my heart is, like you, to someday be a wife and mom. I can't imagine not doing that, though I've given my life to God and if I'm not meant to be a mom, as terrifying as that sounds to me and as much as I can't imagine it being true, then I will follow God in whatever way he leads me.
    I don't want the fact that school isn't my favorite thing or the opinions of others to get in the way of my final decision. I understand completely when you say the understanding and encouraging of loved ones is not 100% necessary in doing what God calls, but most definitely something I wish to have, long to have, almost need to have. It's so hard to do things alone, though I know I'm never truly alone. I have God.
    Ah, so sorry I've rambled. Your the first person I've mentioned to that I'm thinking of not going to college, actually. I want to tell my parents, but I'm still formulating the words to tell them in a way they will understand my meaning completely, that they won't see my working decision as one based off my wants, but off my needs. I've been thinking about this for around two years now. I guess I just wanted to tell someone who understands and is in the same position as me first. It's hard to go against the norm, but God doesn't always call us to be normal. :)
    I'm assuming you've talked to your parents about this, I'm just curious - how have they taken it (for lack of a better word, my brain is kinda dead right now)? I'm taking college classes right now, actually, because my parents have told me to. But I don't think I want to pursue college later on.
    Sorry to be so lengthy on something so personal... I'm not sure you wanted to read all of that. I guess I just needed someone to tell.
    Thanks for always saying the words I need to hear!

  6. Spotting grammar mistakes in my last comment... I was pretty brain dead when I wrote that, sorry, hah! :)